plz talk dirty to me
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
