I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
