Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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