i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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