If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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