That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
FUCK WHALES
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
