And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
