All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
