i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
