I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
