i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
