I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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