I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
