i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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