Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
