You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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