and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
