Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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