god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
