I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
