Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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