You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
