I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
