can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
