If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
