I just saw a hot homeless man
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
