Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
