Screwed.edu
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
