Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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