Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
