I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
