so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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