haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
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