so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
