I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My ass is underappreciated
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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