is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
