We got so high we made milksteak
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
