she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
