reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
