i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
