The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
