I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Randomize
