that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize