She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
