Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
