There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
