I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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