The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
there's paper in my vomit.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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