The best revenge is premature balding
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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