By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
