I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Randomize
