There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
