break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
